• 教學科研
    【皖樅高中學?!?英語幽默小笑話
    來源: 發布時間:2015-05-24

    Weather forecast 天氣預報

    A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "It will rain tomorrow." The next day it rained.

    一個電影攝制組在沙漠深處進行拍攝。一天,一個印度老人來到導演面前對他說:“明天會下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

    A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, "There will be a storm tomorrow." The next day there was a storm.

    一周以后,印度人又來了,他告訴導演說:“明天會有暴風雨。”果然,第二天有暴風雨。

    "This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

    “這個印度人真神,”導演說。他告訴他的秘書去雇傭這個印度人來預測天氣。

    However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

    然而,幾次預測天氣成功之后,這個印度人連續兩周沒有露面。

    Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow," said the director. "And I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

    最后,導演派人把這個印度人請來了。導演對他說:“我明天必須拍攝一個很重要的場景,全都指望你了,明天天氣如何???”

    The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "My radio is broken."

    這個印度人聳了聳肩說道:“我不知道,我的收音機壞了。”

     

     

     

    英語幽默小故事:I am acting like a lady 我要表現得像一位女士

    One day women's dresses were on sale at a department store. A dignified middle-aged man decided to pick a dress for his wife, but soon he found himself being battered by frantic women.

    一天,一家百貨公司的女裝大減價,一位高貴的中年男士想給他的太太挑選一件女裝。但是,沒過多久,他就發現自己已被瘋狂的女人們撞得踉踉蹌蹌。

    He stood it as long as he could; then, with head lowered and arms flailing, he plowed through the crowd.

    他竭力地忍耐著。后來,他低下頭,揮舞雙臂,擠過人群。

    "You there!" challenged a thrilling voice. "Can't you act like a gentleman?"

    “你干嘛?”有人尖聲叫道,“你難道不能表現得像一位紳士嗎?”

    "Listen," he said. "I have been acting like a gentleman for an hour. From now on, I am acting like a lady."

    “聽著,”他說。“我已經像紳士一樣表現了一個小時了。從現在起,我要表現得像一位女士。”

     

     

     

     

    Pig or Witch  豬還是女巫

    A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

    譯文1:一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車,一個女人相向駕車而來。他們相遇時,那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到:“豬??!”那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道:“女巫??!”他們繼續前行。這個男的在下一個路口轉彎時,撞上了路中間的一頭豬。要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了。

     

     

     

     

    英語幽默小故事帶翻譯:Chaude and Cold 熱與冷(雙語)

    A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."

    蒙特利爾自助餐廳的一位顧客擰開盥洗室的龍頭,結果被水燙傷了。“這太可惡了,”他抱怨道,“標著C的龍頭流出的是開水。”(顧客以為是cold)

    "But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

    “可是,先生,C代表Chaude-法語里代表‘熱’。如果您居住在蒙特利爾的話就得知道這一點。”

    "Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."

    “等等,”那位顧客咆哮一聲,“另外一個龍頭同樣標的是C。”

    "Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."

    “當然,”經理說道:“它代表冷。畢竟,蒙特利爾是個雙語城市。”

     

     

    趣味英語:中國空姐與老外的搞笑對話

    kira86 于2012-08-09發布 l 已有3567人瀏覽 玩歪歪博,拯救你的脖子和頸椎 數百名外教任意選,每天陪你練口語 圣誕節英語專題 好聽的英文歌曲推薦老外問: What is this?空姐答: Cake China ( 饅頭 )老外問: What is this?空姐答: Pizza China ( 餡餅 )老外問: 0

    老外問: What is this?

    空姐答: Cake China ( 饅頭 )

    老外問: What is this?

    空姐答: Pizza China ( 餡餅 )

    老外問: What is this?

    空姐答: Salad China ( 黃瓜 )

    這時空姐放了一個屁

    老外又問: What is this?

    空姐妙答: Air China ( 中國民航 )

    一個臺灣人出國,海關要求打開行李檢查,發現有七條內褲,奇怪問原因

    臺灣人回答:" Sunday、Monday、Tuesday ... Saturday "

    官員明白是一天一條。

    接著來了個法國人,官員要求打開行李檢查發現有五條內褲,奇怪問原因

    法國人回答:" Monday、Tuesday、Wednesday、Thursday、Friday "

    星期六,日如何? NO WEAR.

    官員明白法國人浪漫,星期六 . 日是不穿的。

    接著來了個印度人,檢查發現有十二條內褲,

    官員大惑不解,忙問如何?

    印度人慢悠悠回答:" January、February、March、April ....... "

     

     

     

    盤點那些令人抓狂的英語繞口令

    1. Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?  你能夠像罐頭工人一樣裝罐頭嗎? 

    2. I wish to 0  1. Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?

    你能夠像罐頭工人一樣裝罐頭嗎?

    2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish the wish you wish to wish。

    我希望夢想著你夢想中的夢想,但是如果你夢想著女巫的夢想,我就不想夢想著你夢想中的夢想。

    3. I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice-cream!

    我叫喊,你叫喊,我們都喊著要冰淇淋!

    4. How many cookies could a good cook cook if a good cook could cook cookies?

    A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies。

    如果一個好的廚師能做小甜餅,那么他能做多少小甜餅呢?一個好的廚師能做出和其它好廚師一樣多的小甜餅。

    5. The driver was drunk and drove the doctor's car directly into the deep ditch. 這個司機喝醉了,他把醫生的車開進了一個大深溝里。

    6. Whether the weather be fine or whether the weather be not。

    Whether the weather be cold or whether the weather be hot。

    We'll weather the weather whether we like it or not。

    無論是晴天或是陰天。  無論是冷或是暖,

    不管喜歡與否,我們都要經受風霜雨露。

    7. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers。

    A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked。

    If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,

    Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

    彼德派柏捏起一撮泡菜。 彼德派柏捏起的是一撮泡菜。

    那么彼德派捏起的泡菜在哪兒?

    8. I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought。

    If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much。

    我有一種想法,但是我的這種想法不是我曾經想到的那種想法。如果這種想法是我曾經想到的想法,我就不會想那么多了。

    9. Amid the mists and coldest frosts,   With barest wrists and stoutest boasts,

    He thrusts his fists against the posts,  And still insists he sees the ghosts。

    霧蒙蒙,冰霜凍,

    手腕兒空空,話兒涌,  只見他猛所拳頭往柱子上砸,   直說自己把鬼碰。

    10. Badmin was able to beat Bill at billiards, but Bill always beat Badmin badly at badminton。

    巴德明在臺球上能夠打敗比爾,但是打羽毛球比爾常常大敗巴德明。

    11. Betty beat a bit of butter to make a better batter。

    貝蒂敲打一小塊黃油要做一塊更好的奶油面。

    12. Rita repeated what Reardon recited when Reardon read the remarks。

    當里爾登讀評論時,麗塔重復里爾登背誦的東西。

    13. Few free fruit flies fly from flames。沒有幾只果蠅從火焰中飛過去。

    14. Fifty-five flags freely flutter from the floating frigate。

    五十五面旗子在輕輕漂浮的戰艦上自由的飄揚。

    15. There is no need to light a night light on a light night like tonight。

    for a bright night light is just like a slight light。

    像今夜這樣明亮的夜晚,就不需要點一盞夜燈,因為明亮的夜燈也會變得微弱。

    17. A pleasant peasant keeps a pleasant pheasant and both the peasant and the pheasant are having a pleasant time together。

    一位和氣的農民養了一只伶俐的野雞,而且這位和氣的農民和這只伶俐的野雞在一起度過了一段很美好的時光。

    18. How many sheets could a sheet slitter slit if a sheet slitter could slit sheets?

    如果裁紙機能裁紙的話,一個裁紙機能裁多少張紙呢?

    19. Mr. See owned a saw and Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw before Soar saw See。

    西先生有一個鋸,薩先生有一個秋千?,F在在薩先生看見西先生之前,西先生的鋸鋸斷了薩先生的秋千。

    20. If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts, buy a cunning stunning stunt kite。

    如果你非常相要好的風箏和精彩的表演,就去買一只漂亮的,靈巧的風箏吧。

    21. Ted sent Fred ten hens yesterday so Fred's fresh bread is ready already。

    特德昨天給弗萊德送去了十只母雞,所以弗萊德的新鮮面包已經準備好了。

    22. A Finnish fisher named Fisher failed to fish any fish one Friday afternoon and finally he found out a big fissure in his fishing net。

    一個名叫費希爾的芬蘭漁民在一個星期五的下午未能捕捉到任何魚,結果他民現他的漁網上有一個大裂口23. Franc's father is frying French fries for his five fire-fighter friends after they finished a fire-fighting in a factory。

    在結束對一家工廠的滅火戰斗以后,弗蘭克的父親在為他的五個消防隊員朋友炸制法式土豆(炸薯條)

     

     

    這是美國的網友曬到網上的,一戶人家過年貼的對聯,夠有才??赡苡泻芏嗳瞬徽J識“gelivable”一詞,這 0這是美國的網友曬到網上的,一戶人家過年貼的對聯,夠有才??赡苡泻芏嗳瞬徽J識“gelivable”一詞,這是咱聰明智慧的同胞對于“給力”一詞的英語翻譯,新造的詞,“不給力”就是“ungelivable”。

    這副春聯上下聯各有9個英文單詞、4個詞組,按中國春聯的格式豎排。門右側的上聯是“Eat Well Sleep Well Have Fun Day by Day”(意思是“吃得不錯、睡得不錯、天天都開心”),門左側的下聯是“Study Hard Work Hard Make Money More and More”(意思是“努力學習、努力工作、錢越掙越多”)。門上方的橫批則是去年由中國網民創造的新英文單詞“Gelivable”(意思是“給力”)。門中間還貼著一張菱形的大紅紙,上面印著金色大字“LUCK”(意思是“好運”)。

    網友紛紛稱贊這副“中為洋用”的洋春聯有創意。也有網友認為門中間的“LUCK”不該正著貼,而該像貼“福”字一樣倒著貼,表示“好運到(倒)”。

     

     

    Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance   聰明男人 + 聰明女人 = 浪漫愛情

    Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy  聰明男人 + 愚蠢女人 = 婚外情

    Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair    愚蠢男人 + 聰明女人 = 離婚

    Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage    愚蠢男人 + 笨女人 = 結婚

    Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit 聰明老板 + 聰明員工 = 效益

    Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production  聰明老板 + 愚蠢員工 = 剩余價值

    Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion 愚蠢老板 + 聰明員工 = 加薪

    Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime  愚蠢老板 + 愚蠢員工 = 存貨

     

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